just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
