i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
