dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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