I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just google imaged poop.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
