We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
