I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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