So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
