I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
