More tranny stories later!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
areolas are like halos for boobs.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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