It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
