what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
