How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
