I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
