So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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