Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
