the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
