Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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