So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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