apparently the secret to your success is patron
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
