happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
