I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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