chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
