2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
