do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
