I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
