I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
