i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
