im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
