the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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