Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
