i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
