this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
