The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
