hell yes lets make some ravioli
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
