5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
