I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
