need another drink. this is the easiest way
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
