are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
