omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
