3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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