he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
