She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
