So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
