i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
