im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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