i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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