There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
