3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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