Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
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Do I have a choice?
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He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
