you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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