This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
